The Pacifier
(PG)
A Navy SEAL (Vin Diesel) gets his toughest assignment yet. He must
protect five children from enemy agents who are trying to get a secret
code that is hidden in their house. After the nanny (Carole Kane)
quits, he must also change poopie diapers, etc. Poorly scripted.
Predictable humor and toothless action. Unfortunately, Diesel displays
little flair for comedy. Save your kaysh and rent Cheaper By The
Dozen instead. 90 minutes.
Palindromes
(Not Rated)
A 13 year old girl named Aviva gets pregnant and we see several
possible scenarios play themselves out. Aviva is portrayed by many
actresses and sometimes her name changes. Director/writer Todd
Solondz (Welcome To The Doll House, Happiness)
examines issues such as abortion, right to life and religion but
takes no stand. Palindromes is quite goofy at times and
reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite but has sinister undertones.
The viewer leaves the theater provoked, a bit confused and wondering
if this was nothing more than child-porn with a plot. Highly
original but certainly not a film for everybody. Starring Ellen
Barkin (The Big Easy), Jennifer Jason Leigh (pick TWO names
there little lady) and Richard Masur ("One Day At A Time"). 100
minutes.
 
Panic Room (R)
Jodie Foster stars as a recently separated mother of a young teen aged
daughter in Panic Room. Mother and daughter (Kristen Stewart) purchase a
spacious Manhattan apartment that features a secret concrete and steel
reinforced "panic-room", built in case of emergency. Little do they know
that on their first night in the apartment they will need to take refuge in the
hideaway. Three burglars (Forest Whitaker, Dwight Yoakam and Jared Leto) have
cornered them in the room and these desperate men need to get in to open a safe.
This film succeeds at first by keeping us interested, excited and in full view
of Foster's ample cleavage.
Unfortunately, the movie ultimately collapses under the weight of it's
unbelievability. By the end I was chuckling to myself. Country singer
Dwight Yoakam doesn't look like such a fashion-plate without his trademark hat
and with a face dripping blood. Not a horrible motion picture but there are
plenty of better choices. 112 minutes.
Pearl Harbor (PG13)
Too long. Features gratuitous romantic triangle. 90 minutes in, the
attack is breathtaking. Starring Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding
Jr. and Josh Hartnett. Skip this film and spend three hours doing something
worthwhile for a war veteran.
The Perfect Man
(PG)
A teenager (Hilary Duff) invents a cyber love interest for her
divorced mom (Heather Locklear) using her friend's uncle (Chris Noth)
as a template. Better than Duff's last two films (Cinderella
Story, Raise Your Voice). Hopefully, multi-talented Duff
will find better and more challenging roles as she matures. This
mainstream romantic-comedy is exactly the type of film that you
would expect her to make at this stage of her career. How about a
surprise? 100 minutes.
The Pianist (R)
A Polish musician (Adrien Brody) struggles to survive the Nazi occupation of Warsaw.
This brutal and beautiful film, based on the true story of Wladyslaw
Szpilman, was
directed by Roman Polanski. A masterpiece from beginning to end. 148 minutes.
The Pink Panther
(PG)
Limp remake of the classic Blake Edwards/ Peter Sellers film.
Although Steve Martin is hilarious as the bumbling Inspector
Clouseau the film is dead in the water. Note to Hollywood and
Madison Avenue: Not everyone thinks that Bouncy Knowless is hot.
She's a drag! Also starring Kevin Kline, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer (Match
Point) and Kristin Chenoweth. 92 minutes.
Planet Of The Apes (PG13)
Mark Wahlberg (Boogie Nights) is transported through a wormhole into the future where he crash lands on a planet that is ruled by talking apes in this
Tim (turn out the lights) Burton re-make of the classic 1968 original. Burton has always, in my opinion, confused artsy with poorly lit. This is yet
another one of his literally "dark" films. It suceeds none the less. Don't forget to rent the original. It really is much better.
A Prairie Home Companion
(PG13)
Weird and wacky film version of the popular NPR radio program. Told in a sort of mock film noir style,
this movie has a loose, airy and funny feel though it is a bit heavy
handed at times. Wisecracking Dusty
and Lefty (John C. Reilly and Woody Harrelson) are a hoot. Directed
by Robert Altman (MASH, Popeye, The Player, Gosford Park).
Also starring Garrison Keillor, Meryl Streep, Lilly Tomlin, Lindsay
Lohan and Kevin Kline. 105 minutes.
Pride And Prejudice
(PG)
I am predisposed to dislike any British romantic period piece.
Especially works in which pompous pretty boys wearing powdered wigs
utter lines such as "Would you cahh to donce?" or the hideous "Yes
my Lawd". P&P is so brilliantly photographed and acted that I
was willing to overlook such trespasses. Swan-necked flavor of the
month Keira Knightly really is radiant (think Audrey Hepburn meets
Wynona Ryder) as Lizzie McGuire, a commoner who falls for rich and
handsome Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfadyen). The Jane Austen story is
quite engaging but points were deducted for the blatantly over the
top soundtrack and the fact that everyone had perfect teeth. Also
starring Donald Sutherland, Brenda Blethyn and a frightful Dame Judi
Stench. 128 minutes.
Prime (PG13)
A psychotherapist (Meryl Streep) is aghast upon discovering that a
long time patient (Uma Thurman) is dating her 23 year old son.
Streep is brilliant as always but except for a nice bittersweet
ending, Prime plays itself out fairly predictably. Why is it that in
film, every major character that lives in New York City has a
glamorous job? Doesn't anybody remove unwanted hair, drive a cab,
make sandwiches or pick up trash? 105 minutes.
The Princess Diaries (G)
This is a pretty standard Cinderella story about a plain-Jane 15 year old girl (Anne Hathaway)
who finds out that she is the Princess Of Genovia (a fictional European country). She must be
transformed into a state of beautiful grace by her kind grandmother (Julie Andrews) and
servants or Genovia will have no blood relative to rule in the future. No, this isn't a great
picture. What's so remarkable about this film is that it is unsophisticated, gentle, innocent,
unpretentious, in short, a welcome anachronism. Although not made for a demographic that
includes me, this would be a wonderful movie for say, a mom to take her pre or early-teen
daughter to. I must admit too, there is something comforting about experiencing Julie Andrews
on the big screen. Bravo Walt Disney Studio. Maybe it's hip to be square again.
The Producers
(PG13)
Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane), a dishonest Broadway Producer and Leo
Bloom (Mathew Broderick), a mousy accountant, bring "Springtime For
Hitler", the worst play that they could find, to the stage. It's
sure to be a flop and since they have over recruited investors, they
stand to make a fortune after it quickly closes. "Hitler" turns out
to be a hit and so is this film version of Mel Brooks' smash
Broadway play. Despite the often shrill stage technique of Lane and
Broderick, this is a very funny and entertaining movie. The 1968
original starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder is still my favorite.
By the way; what kind of parents would name their child Zero? You'd
have to have a psychologist on retainer for the poor kid. Also
starring Uma Thurman and Will Ferrell. 120 minutes.
Proof (PG13)
A gifted yet troubled young woman becomes romantically involved with
her late father's teaching assistant. Her father was a brilliant but
insane professor of mathematics. A handwritten mathematical
breakthrough is discovered in the family's home. Who wrote it?
Proof examines themes such as greed, heredity, genius,
plagiarism, mental illness, family, love and trust. Outstanding
stage to screen adaptation, direction and acting. Directed by John
Madden (Monday Night Football). Starring Sir Anthony Hopkins, Sir
Jake Gyllenhaal, Sir Gwyneth Paltrow and Dame Hope Davis. 100
minutes.
Punch Drunk Love (R)
A pretty woman (Emily Watson) inexplicably falls for an immature and insecure man
(Adam Sandler) named Barry who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and is also
prone to violent outbursts. Barry has been psychologically abused continually by his
seven sisters as well. What a catch. With the love of a good woman, he becomes
healthier, happier and one would assume, more productive. With it's oddball
soundtrack, characters and situations,
Punch Drunk Love tells a familiar story in a very unconventional way.
Watson and especially Sandler (yes, Adam Sandler) are quite good. I have never seen
so many quirky American films as I have in the last half of 2002. Also starring
Philip Seymour Hoffman (pick TWO names dude). 89 minutes.
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