Rabbit-Proof Fence (PG)
As if I didn't already feel guilty enough for being a Caucasian. For most of the
20th century, as part of Australian government policy,
Aboriginal children were stolen from their homes and taken to camps where they
were trained to be domestic servants for whites. Children of mixed ethnicity
(half-castes) were prime candidates because it was felt that their Aboriginal heritage
could eventually be "bred out". This film tells the true story of three such children
who were abducted, escaped and attempted the long and dangerous trek home. A perfect
movie to bring your spoiled children to. Families are urged to discuss the film over
several orders of McNuggets* afterward. *Caution: McNuggets contain no nutritional
value and have been proven to cause obesity in laboratory rats. With Kenneth
Branagh.
95 minutes.
 
Rat Race (PG13)
A wealthy Las Vegas hotel owner (John Cleese) randomly selects 6 guests and pits them against each other in a race to a cash filled locker 500 miles away. This film is
loosely based on the 1963 classic It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Instead of Spencer Tracy, Milton
Berle, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hacket, Mickey Rooney, Phil Silvers, Don
Knotts, Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Dick Shawn, Peter Falk, Edward Everett Horton, Jack Benny and Jerry
Lewis, we get to yuck it up with comic
genius Amy Smart, edgy Seth Green, the side-splitting Whoopie Goldberg, laugh-a-minute Cuba Gooding Jr., hunky Rowan Atkinson and the brilliant Kathy
Najmy. Also starring Jon Lovitz. It's a bad, bad, bad, bad movie.
Real Women Have Curves (PG13)
Ana is eighteen, pretty, smart and overweight. She is a first generation Mexican-American
whose parents (especially her mother) are very old fashioned. Ana is expected to work in
the family dress making shop even though she has been offered a full scholarship
to Columbia
University. Furthermore, Ana's mom (who could really benefit from psycho-analysis)
has continually made her feel bad about her weight even though she is plump herself.
111 minutes.
The Recruit (PG13)
A young computer wiz (Colin Farrell) is hand-picked for The CIA. His mentor, a
self-proclaimed "scary judge of talent" (Al Pacino) sees something in his protégé,
whose deceased father may have also been a spy. Lots of covert action and double crosses.
A decent thriller that is somewhat predictable. Also starring Bridget Moynahan
(Serendipity). 105 minutes.
Red Dragon (R)
For those who can't get enough of Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter, Sir Anthony Hopkins is back in
this The Silence Of The Lambs prequel. The film takes place in the years leading up to
Lambs and the two tie together quite nicely. Lecter, who has been convicted and imprisoned
for his ghoulish crimes, is needed to help catch Francis Dolarhyde (Ralph
Fiennes), a serial killer.
Will Graham (Edward Norton), the FBI agent who arrested Lecter, is talked out of retirement in
order to enlist him. Wide-eyed Emily Watson plays a blind love interest of
Dolarhyde's. Woody Allen
cast Watson as a mute in a recent film. I'm sure that her agent is scouring scripts for a deaf role
to secure Watson the Hollywood Handicap Hat-Trick award. Harvey Keitel walks through his role as
Jack Crawford, the FBI agent assigned to oversee the case. The scenes involving Graham and
Crawford's police work are trite and laughable as is the obvious ending. Is America so fascinated
by face biting and human sweetbreads that these movies need to be made? I find this genre quite
depressing. Also starring Philip Seymour Hoffman (pick TWO names dude). 124 minutes.
Red Eye (PG13)
Rachael Ray look alike Rachel McAdams (The Notebook, Wedding
Crashers) plays Lisa, a hotel manager on leave who has been set
up by a fellow airline passenger named Jackson Rippner (Cillian
Murphy). Rippner needs Lisa to make a call to her hotel instructing
her fill-in to move a high-ranking political guest into a suite that
will be more accessible to his team of assassins. Lisa is told that
if she does not comply, her father will be murdered. Murphy's
Rippner is as instantly detestable as McAdam's Lisa is likeable. The
taut script works just fine in the air but the chasing and shooting
on the ground is mundane enough to practically nullify the first two
reels. 85 minutes.
Rent (PG13)
Movie version of the hit Broadway play based on Puccini's "La Boheme".
Rent is the tale of young bohemians trying not to get evicted
from their loft and a chronicle of New York City circa 1989 as the
AIDS epidemic began to take its toll on homosexuals and iv drug
users. This film is very much a musical in that there are
surprisingly few spoken lines. A lot of the lyrics seem shoehorned
into the melodies but some of the songs flow easily and are quite
memorable. Just like NYC, Rent is loud, brash, colorful and
exciting but certainly not for everyone. Many of the original
Broadway cast members are featured and they hug each other a real
lot. 135 minutes.
Resident Evil (R)
This high-tech/horror film is a small success. It is scary, cheesy and fairly fun
to watch. It knows that it's a "B Movie" and it is not ashamed. An underground
corporate science lab goes awry and a team is sent in to contain the damage.
Pretty but one-dimensional Michele Rodriguez (Girlfight, The Fast And The
Furious),
who was recently arrested for assault, repeatedly rolls her eyes towards the back
of her head to indicate anger and determination. Tasty super-model Milla Jovovich
is scantily clad throughout. Also starring several mimbos. 99 minutes.
Riding In Cars With Boys (PG13)
Screw-up Ray (Steve Zahn) gets 15 year old Bev (Drew Barrymore) pregnant and their lives are
changed forever in Penny Marshall's (Big, Awakenings, A League Of Their
Own) exhausting Riding In Cars With Boys. Bev wants to go to college, move to California and write a book
but the demands of motherhood and Ray's irresponsibility constantly thwart her attempts to
become self-actualized. I suspect that the working title for this project was "Life Is What
Happens When You Are Busy Making Other Plans" but because the movie itself was so time
consuming they decided to shorten the title somewhat. Ms. Barrymore (ET), now all arms, boobs
and chin, must play Bev from ages 15 to 35 and she is not especially up to the task. Steve
Zahn (That Thing You Do, Joy Ride), on the other hand, turns in his usual stellar performance.
All the cliched 50's/60's sights and sounds are dragged out here as well and the film is
agonizingly long. This is an archetypal "chick-flick" but the duration of this piece could be
a negative. Also featuring James Woods, Lorraine Bracco and Rosie Perez. Did I mention that
the movie is quite lengthy?
The Ring (PG13)
Four teens rent a cabin and all view the same creepy video. Seven days later, they all die
at the same moment in mysterious circumstances. One of the teen's aunts (Naomi Watts) who is
a reporter looks into the deaths and uncovers a trail of clues thay leads her to........
I can't tell you or you too will die. Despite what you hear, this is not the new Exorcist
but it is an effective thriller. 115 minutes.
Road To Perdition (R)
Soon after discovering that his father is a gangster, a young boy must run away with him in Sam Mendes' (American Beauty)
Road To Perdition. This film has a strong sense of irony (the father must enlist his son's help in order
to commit crimes yet he desperately does not want the boy to grow up to be a criminal), is beautifully photographed
and brilliantly acted. Unfortunately, this is a good film that thinks that it is a great one. We are reminded of
that fact way too often. Majestic cut away music, breathtaking panoramas and arty shots abound. A few too many
story implausibilities too. Very frustrating. Starring Paul Newman, Tom Hanks, Stanley Tucci and Jude Law.
119 minutes.
Robots (PG)
Visually stunning animation. Story of class warfare between poor
robots who need parts and rich ones who want to sell them upgrades or
have them destroyed. The sets are Rube Goldbergian and there are
non-stop pop-culture references. Great domino scene. Cheesy dance
finale. Voices include Ewan McGregor, Robin Williams, Halle Berry and
Mel Brooks. 91 minutes.
Rock Star (R)
The new film Rock Star hits a little too close to home for me. You see, much like Mark Wahlberg's
(Boogie Nights) Chris Coles character,
I was plucked from obscurity in the mid 80's, replaced a musician and went immediately on tour. Sure, it was Irish-folk music and not heavy
metal and we traveled throughout the USA in a mini-van and not a bus. Oh yeah, we didn't play stadiums either. Our performances were mostly
in jai alai arenas, school auditoriums and clubs. Come to think of it we didn't have groupies either, although there was that one retired
lady that wore the big hat with all the buttons. But I do know enough about the subject matter to know that most of the situations and people
in Rock Star just don't ring true or are gross caricatures. One of the most ridiculous scenes was Coles' audition at the band's recording
studio. I'm pretty sure that the band would not be finalizing the original singer's sacking in person while at the same time auditioning his
possible replacements IN THE SAME ROOM AT THE SAME TIME! All the tired rock-star
clichés, such as orgies, nailing furniture to hotel room
ceilings, throwing tv sets out of windows and driving Harley-Davidsons indoors are dragged out here as well. Wahlberg is fine and pretty
Jennifer Aniston ("Friends") portrays his supportive girlfriend quite well. There are more than a few moments of clarity but not enough to
recommend this film. The flawed Almost Famous captures the 70's/80's rock zeit-geist more effectively.
Rollerball (PG13)
A dizzying spectacle of gladiator garbed men and women on motorcycles and
rollerblades propel a lame story in the 2001 remake (released in 2002) of
Rollerball. The film, set in 2005, takes place in the former Soviet Republics.
Petrovich (Jean Reno), the greedy owner of a touring rollerball league, seeks to
boost sagging television ratings by introducing more and more violence to the game.
His most popular player Jonathan Cross (Chris Klein) and his best friend Marcus
Ridley (LL Cool J) want out before they get crippled or killed but Petrovich and his
secret service-like minions will not let them walk away from the team. LL Cool J is
good as always in this kind of role but Klein is horribly mis-cast. Also starring
the beautiful Rebecca Ptomaine-Staymoist who rumor has it recently participated in
a day long orgy while seriously ill from food poisoning. 98 minutes.
The Rookie (G)
It was April Fool's Day, which happened to be opening day for major league baseball.
My team was scheduled to start at 3PM and here I was at Hoyt's for the 12:50 showing
of Disney's The Rookie. What a great country. The Rookie is the squeaky-clean
story of Jim Morris, a Texas science teacher who has a try out for The Tampa Bay Devil
Rays. What makes this story so remarkable is that Morris, a married father of three,
was in his late 30's at the time. Despite being predictable and a little too cutesy,
this is a solid family feature. Starring Dennis Quaid and Rachel
Griffiths. 129 minutes.
The Royal Tenenbaums (R)
"I never understood her (Margot, his daughter), I never understood any of
us." So says Royal
Tenenbaum (Gene Hackperson) in director Wes Anderson's (Rushmore) new black comedy
The
Royal Tenenbaums. The Tenenbaums are a wealthy, brilliant, talented and eccentric family
gone awry. Patriarch Royal has been physically disassociated from them for seven years.
He was never a good father or husband when he was around either. Now in his twilight years,
he wants to make things right with his highly dysfunctional family. This amusing ensemble
film was written by director Anderson and one of it's stars, Owen Wilson. The only small
gripe I have with it is the ending. It's a bit too "feel-goody" for a film and a cast this
quirky, but that is a mere nit-pick. By the way, Gene Hackman is a national treasure. Also
starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Ben Stiller, Anjelica Huston, Luke Wilson, Danny Glover, Bill
Murray and the voice of limousine liberal Alec Baldwin. 103 minutes.
Rumor Has It
(PG13)
Sarah Huttinger (Jennifer Aniston), a young woman who is engaged to
be married, suspects that Beau Burroughs (Kevin Costner), a rich
older man who has been intimate with both her mother and grandmother
(Shirley MacLaine), might be her biological father. Of course, Sarah
sleeps with Beau, thus giving him the rare Huttinger Hat Trick and
confusing the hell out of everyone. References to The Graduate
aside, this is a weak comedy with a preposterous plot and dumb
characters. Also starring flavor of the month Mark Ruffalo. Directed
by Rob Meathead Reiner. 96 minutes.
Rush Hour 2 (PG13)
Martial-arts/crime-drama starring the talented and likeable Jackie Chan and the unfunny,
effeminate and annoying Chris Tucker. The audience must endure Tucker's singing not once but
twice during the first five minutes of this horrible film. One of the worst parts of the
whole experience was that the audience and the usher seemed to enjoy this odious drivel. Guess
what? "America's number one comedy" bites. Also appearing are Jeremy Pivin
("The Larry Sanders Show"), Alan King (The Friar's Club), Don Cheadle
(Boogie Nights) and Zhang Ziui (Crouching Tiger).
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