Tadpole (PG13)
A precocious 15 year old boy (Aaron Stanford) who has a crush on his beautiful step-mom
(Sigourney Weaver), sleeps with her 40 something best friend (Bebe Neuwirth). This coming
of age (no pun intended) story was shot digitally in New York City. Unless you can view
Tadpole from a digital projector (there are none that I know of in this area) you are in
for a grainy, disappointing visual experience. I thought that this rather bland film was
mildly amusing at times until I realized that if the genders were reversed (a forty two
year old man bedding a fifteen year old girl) there would be an indignant outcry. Also
starring John Ritter. 77 minutes.
Talk To Her (R)
Two men, two women and two comas. This is a complex and ironic examination of love and
friendship. A must see for serious film enthusiasts. I always wondered what happened
to the beautiful Geraldine Chaplin (Dr. Zhivago). She got very old. In Spanish with
subtitles. 113 minutes.
 
Tears Of The Sun (R)
A small group of Navy Seals is sent into civil war torn Nigeria to rescue a doctor, a
priest and a nun in
Tears Of The Sun. So a doctor, a priest and a nun are walking through the
jungle........ This dark and violent film is no joke and neither is the ethnic cleansing
that the group witnesses. No new ground broken here but
Tears is exciting. Starring Bruce Willis and Monica Bellucci. 121 minutes.
Thank You For Smoking
(R)
Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckart) is the lobbyist and chief spokesperson
for "big tobacco". The media never talks about "little tobacco". I
guess "little tobacco" would be ordinary folks who just have a few
plants on their property for personal use. Naylor, a cunning
linguist and master debater, tells his young son that "if you argue
correctly you are never wrong." This clever satire suffers from
preview overexposure (we've seen the best scenes countless times)
and really peters out at the end. Also starring Katie Holmes, Robert
Duval, Maria Bello, Rob Lowe, William H. Macy and that creepy kid
from Birth. 92 minutes.
Thirteen Conversations About One Thing (R)
A fabulous film about the interconnection of a handful of men and women living in New York.
Thirteen Conversations examines hope and optimism versus despair and tragedy as it pertains
to people's chaotic everyday lives. Director and co-writer Jill Sprecher has put together a script
and cast that is a joy to experience from beginning to end. A refreshing movie that has something
worthwhile to say. Take a break from the aliens, eyeballs, handguns and nuclear bombs. Starring Alan
Arkin, Mathew McConaughey, Clea DuVall, John Turturro and Amy Irving. 94 minutes.
The Three Burials Of
Melquaides Estrada (R)
A Texas cowboy (Tommy Lee Jones) kidnaps a US Border Patrolman
(Barry Pepper) and forces him to exhume, transport to Mexico and
rebury a close friend. This grimly inspiring tale was brilliantly
directed by Jones but is slightly marred by a glaring continuity
error. Really great ending though. Also starring Dwight Yoakam,
January Jones and Levon Helm (The Band). 121 minutes.
Thumbsucker (R)
A seventeen year old boy's socially crippling thumbsucking habit is
cured by his orthodontist. As the sucker's life becomes more normal
he is forced to confront typical teen issues and problems. An
original, quirky coming of age film but an orthodontist that smokes
cigarettes while treating patients and doling out new-age advice?
Give me a break. I thought the ending really sucked too. Starring Lou Pucci as the sucker, Keanu Reeves (he really needs to stop
sucking), Vince Vaughn, Benjamin Bratt ("Law And Order") , Vincent
D'Onfrio ("Law And Order: Special Thumbsucking Unit") and Tilda
Swinton, the current reigning queen of the indies. 97 minutes.
The Time Machine (PG13)
Spokes-model Guy Pearce stars as Alexander Hartdegen, an inventor who travels
through time in the latest adaptation of H.G. Wells' The Time Machine.
Imagine if you will, a combination of Planet Of The Apes,
Soylent Green and Time After Time. After first going
back to try to save the life of his sweetie, Hartdegen ventures 800,000 years
into the future and finds Earth inhabited by two races. One is gentle and lives
on the surface and the other is vicious, lives underground and is RULED BY EDGAR
WINTER! This motion picture is preposterous, clumsily directed and poorly acted.
And, there is one unbelievable coincidence.
The Time Machine was partly directed by Simon Wells who, as it turns
out, is a direct descendant of H.G. Wells. Also starring Orlando Jones
(Up Yours) and Jeremy Irons. 96 minutes.
Tortilla Soup (PG13)
Tortilla Soup is a feel good family character study in which the mouth watering
food is the star. We've seen this style of film before (Eat Drink Man
Woman, Soul Food) and this one holds up with the best of them. Hector Elizondo
(Pretty Woman)
plays widower Martin Naranjo, the family patriarch who's three grown daughters still
live with him. The number one house rule is that everyone be on time for the Sunday
dinners that are meticulously prepared by Martin, who is a professional chef. This
is a movie of beginnings, revelations and endings. If you are a lover of ensemble
movies and southwestern cuisine, you will leave amused and very hungry. Also
starring Raquel Welsh (who performs the dreaded "pass out"), Paul Rodriquez and
Elizabeth Pena. 100 minutes.
Training Day (PG13)
Ethan Hawke (friend of Oprah, husband of Uma) portrays Jake Hoyt, a rookie Los Angeles
narcotics officer who gets teamed with veteran Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington) in this
exciting but frustratingly flawed police-action film. Harris, his department associates and
his superiors are hopelessly corrupt and Hoyt must decide whether the corruption is
necessarily inherent in the system or the others are simply gangsters with badges. Washington
is brilliant in this rare unsympathetic role. The first three quarters of this movie are
fabulous but Training Day unfortunately disintegrates into a typical shoot and chase affair.
The flaws are not enough to sink the film but I walked out slightly angry. I hate that
because it forces me to go directly to the nearest gin-mill and guzzle a couple of ice-cold
Heinekens. Also starring Scott Glenn (The Right Stuff, Urban
Cowboy), Tom Berenger (The Big Chill, Platoon) and Snoop Dogg (see, he finally wised up and shortened his name to the
acceptable two word form).
Transamerica
(R)
A California man living as a woman named Bree (Felicity Huffman) is
about to undergo a sex change operation. Bree receives a call from
The NYC Police informing him/her that they are holding his/her
seventeen year old son Toby, a son that he/she didn't know existed.
Bree's doctors insist that she (I'm going to henceforth refer to
Bree as her/she) must come to terms with her troubled boy before
they will go ahead with the operation. Bree flies to New York, bails
Toby out of Rikers, buys a cheap car and the two set out for The
Left Coast. The trip turns out to be another one of those cinematic
"journeys of self-discovery" but with some poignant and hilarious
results. The fact that the film takes a rather nonchalant stand on
Bree's sex change is understandable I suppose, given that this is
2006 but the same nonchalance regarding Toby's homosexual
prostitution and gay porn activity is definitely not.
Transamerica is a bit laid back until Bree and Toby meet Bree's
parents (Burt Young and Carrie Preston). From that point on it
almost becomes another, more mainstream film. Given the recent
success of Brokeback Mountain and this movie's initial
critical acclaim, you can bet that Hollywood will churn out plenty
of gender-benders in the next few years. As Ray Davies long ago
sang, "Girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it's a mixed-up
muddled-up shook up world...." Get used to it. 103 minutes.
The Transporter (PG13)
An ex-military man (Jason Stratham) who lives just "outside of the law" makes his living by
moving people and things from one location to another. Navigating through difficult and
dangerous circumstances is his specialty, for which he is well compensated. The first 30
minutes or so are quite exciting and fresh. Newcomer Shu Qi, who portrays The Transporter's
love interest, is lovely too. It's a shame that the film degenerates into a standard
martial-arts/chase and explode affair. Nice try. 92 minutes.
Transporter 2
(PG13)
The Transporter (Jason Statham) is back and still driving recklessly
in a very dignified way. 2005's automobile of choice is a black
Audi. This time around he's chauffeuring a young boy whose family
becomes involved in a drug cartel germ warfare battle.
Transporter 2 is full of undeveloped characters, plot holes,
clichés, martial arts and Hollywood style action. Unless you are a
big fan of car crashes and kung fu butt kicking, my advice is to
steer clear. 88 minutes.
Trapped (R)
Courtney Love seems to use her musical and marital notoriety to get parts in feature motion
pictures such as this. After the tragic death of her superstar husband Kurt Cobain, Hole got
huge. She seems to pick and choose film work while maintaining Hole. I think Hole stinks,
but what do I know about current rock and roll trends?
Trapped is a mildly exciting kidnap yarn with some decent performances, especially
young Dakota Fanning's
(I Am Sam). This movie is nothing special but it does hold your interest. Also
starring Kevin Bacon, Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend. 104 minutes.
The Truth About Charlie (PG13)
A woman's husband is murdered and a whole lot of people think that she knows where he hid their money.
The Truth About Charlie is a re-make of Charade which starred Audrey
Hepburn and Carey Grant. This film is fast paced, convoluted, ambitious and confusing at
first. It is also grainy (that new digital technology), contrived and ultimately
pointless. Jonathan Demme should be shot with balls of his own shite for giving birth to
this pretentious turd. I didn't see Charade but it has to be better than this.
The truth about this movie is that it sucks. Starring Tim Robbins (he's very tall),
Mark Wahlberg (Boogie Nights), Thandie Newton (Thandie?) and a bunch of French
people. 110 minutes.
Tsotsi (R)
I was told that this was a film about an unemployed actor (Dustin
Hoffman) who is so desperate for work that he pretends to be a woman
in order to get a role on a major soap opera, and all of the
resulting hijinks. Instead, it turned out to be a deadly serious
film about a young South African sociopathic criminal whose
(caution: cliché ahead) life is forever changed when he hijacks a
car containing a baby in the back seat. This award winning movie is
somewhat predictable but moving. Starring Jason Bateman, Tara Reid
and Gary Coleman as the baby. Just kidding. Subtitled. 94 minutes.
Tuck Everlasting (PG)
Great, I thought. A film about a medical procedure for overweight people that's
guaranteed for life. Or is it an infomercial about a new super-strength pad for
hemorrhoid sufferers. But no. It turns out that
Tuck Everlasting is a Disney movie about a family named Tuck that
discovers a fountain of youth. This harmless, sentimental feature would be perfect
for a parent to bring their pre-teen kids to. It will make a good 2 hour TV family
flick. Also starring Ben Kingsley, William Hurt, Sissy Spacechick and Amy Irving.
90 minutes.
25th Hour (R)
Director Spike Lee refers to his movies as joints. Dude has twisted up a fatty here.
25th Hour focuses on Monty Brogan (Edward Norton), a convicted drug dealer who is
living his last day of freedom before beginning a seven year prison sentence. His father
(Brian Cox), girlfriend (Rosario Dawson) and friends try to make his final hours fun, but
Monty is haunted by his past mistakes and grim future. Lee has directed a
passionate and intelligent film that is full of great New York City locations. His best
work since Do The Right Thing and his first movie that does not concentrate on
African-American issues. Also starring Barry Pepper
(61*) and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (pick TWO names, dude). 134 minutes.
Two Can Play That Game (R)
A heavy-set white woman in the back row and I in the front watched the lovely Vivica A. Fox (Why the "A"
Viv?) and hunky Morris Chestnut strut their stuff this afternoon at the cavernous Hoyts 18.
Two Can Play That Game is a bland and leaden film about
contemporary, affluent, West Coast blacks and the dating and mating games that they play. A real stinker.
Two For The Money
(R)
Walter (Al Pacino), a long time high stakes sports gambling advisor
recruits Brandon (Mathew McConaughey), a former college quarterback
with a knack for picking football winners. The mentor/protégé
arrangement works for a while until Brandon discovers that Walter
has some serious issues. Hollywood must be running out of fresh
subject matter. What's next; a film about homosexual cowboys? Not
that there would be anything wrong with that. Also starring Rene
Russo. 124 minutes.
Two Weeks Notice (PG13)
My favorite contemporary romantic comedies include When Harry Met Sally,
French Kiss and Serendipity. They are well written, engaging and have great
casts. I've seen them countless times. In Two Weeks Notice, a new alleged romantic
comedy, an idealistic lawyer (Sandra Bullock) goes to work for a cutthroat industrialist
(Hugh Grant). It's one of those preposterous stories where everyone watching knows that
they are perfect for each other except for the couple themselves. There is no real
chemistry between Bullock and Grant and the jokes fall flat. Although quite likable,
Ms. Bullock has never been able to carry a picture as a lead and Mr. Grant reminds me of
every spoiled rich kid that I hated growing up around. This film sucks. 100 minutes.
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